….but I’m done.

What is it about Annual Conference that makes me depressed? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s the overdone worship services, that seldom seem substantive. Or the mediocre preaching, that leaves me wondering if this represents the best we can do. Or the endless reports and debates that display one reason our denomination is in decline.

I do enjoy seeing my pastor friends and sharing a few laughs. There is value in the friendship and camaraderie. There are a few reports here and there that report some interesting tidbit. Like the update on the Village Church, or the recognition of the new Executive Director of the City Society. But then, those are both events that I feel a special attachment to for personal reasons. They might seem meaningless to someone else.

All of this makes me wonder: what do we do conference for anymore? I remember reading the opening chapter of The Damnation of Theron Ware are thinking – damn, I guess it’s always been like this. The novel, written sometime in the 1890s, describes a session of Annual Conference, at which pastors are doing all kinds of rather trivial and certainly unholy things. There is much pretension and rhetoric, but little substance.

What I want is to encounter God. I don’t care where I do it. I don’t care what mechanism brings God to me. I just want to know God and be with God. I want to live in a deep relationship with the strange, passionate, loving God I find in the Bible. That’s what I want. And a part of me expects Annual Conference to have something to do with that.

I suspect that most people who go to church on Sunday morning also want their church to have something to do with that. And I also suspect that most of the time in the church we disappoint them. Why is that? Why is it that church – and annual conference – seems to have so little to do with a real experience of God? Where did we get off making church all about institutional preservation?

A better question is: how do we create an environment where people do experience God? What kinds of community foster deep relationships with the God of the Bible? How do we empower people to live out of the fundamental fact that God truly, completely loves them? And what kind of annual conference might actually foster that kind of community and empowerment?

Annual Conference in the United Methodist Church is required to cover a lot of rather trivial terrain. My hope is that somehow Bishops and other leaders can find creative and meaningful ways to break out of the “business-as-usual” model of Annual Conference, and create instead a powerful moment when God’s people recognize the Holy One in each others’ faces and are energized for transformative ministries in the various local communities that we strive to serve.

A last day controversial issue was our membership in the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice. By a very narrow margin, our membership was retained. I worked with Planned Parenthood New York when I pastored there and helped them construct a clergy statement entitled ”Reproductive Justice in a Just Society,” so I’m happy that we will continue to support reproductive justice, though I am concerned about the narrow margin.

Bishops Huie (past president of the Council of Bishops) and Palmer (current president) respectfully lifted their hands in pray during the “witness” in support of full inclusion of sexual minorities.

Metholebrities #3,4,5: Steve Bauman, Clayton Miller, Kent Millard. Need I say more.

Metholebrity #2: Mike DuBose. Chances are good you’ve never seen Mike. But chances are even better that you’ve seen his work. Mike takes an awful lot of photos for UMCom – and he’s travelled the world photographing various Methodist projects. Look at the credit line in Methodist publications, and you’ll likely find his name under many photos….plus, he’s a really nice guy.

“The church today has become known not for its pursuit of love and justice, but for its opposition to gay people.”

- From Adam Hamilton’s blog. Read the entry for a thoughtful, respectful perspective that I don’t agree with very much. I appreciate Adam’s careful consideration, but I would diverge from him on many points, obviously.

Homosexuality Witness: You can now get a streaming version of the witness at the UMC General Conference web site. I recommend you watch it and listen.

Those of you watching the video stream online may have noticed that the stream was down during the witness in solidarity with sexual minorities. That was too bad – because it was one of the most genuine and powerful moments of all conference. And IRD headline read “Gay Rights Protestors Storm General Conference.” Nothing could be further from the truth. A respectful, generous, impassioned witness was offered by brothers and sisters in the United Methodist Church. They were not “gay activists” – they were faithful Christians – faithful United Methodists. They did not “storm” – they came in singing, during a recess, at the instruction of the presiding Bishop.

It is too bad this was not streamed – supposedly the policy is to take the stream down during any recess. Hopefully, there will be pictures online soon to give everyone a glimpse of what happened.

This morning, a powerful witness was offered, calling for justice and inclusion of all God’s people. Bishop Mel Talbert spoke as well, and asked the General Conference to reconsider it’s decisions yesterday regarding homosexuality. It was a meaningful, emotional moment. Bishop Park from New York was among the bishops that came down from their seats to join the witness. He shared with me a long and sincere hug on the floor.

I snapped a few photos and will try to have them up later. I’ll also try to track down a copy of the statement -which was very well done and carefully worded.

This morning I woke up with anger and despair in my heart. I thought to myself: Those bastards! Who wants to be part of such a cruel group of people? Don’t they know how far they have strayed from the teachings of Jesus? What place does judgmentalism and hatred have in our church? I was entertaining the idea of turning in my credentials and becoming a social worker.

Then, as I walked into the Convention Center and I heard the music of Mark Miller. He was leading the delegates in a rousing rendition of “O God, Our Help in Ages Past.” I wondered how Mark felt when he woke up – when the church that he loves decided that his relationships were invalid and unholy. I don’t know how he felt – but I do know that he got up, and that he led his church faithfully in worship, that he sang his songs, and did his thing – that he followed his God through the valley of darkness.

And I thought, if he can get up and do what he is called to do, so can I.

Editorial addition: I hope it is clear that I was trying to recount in this post my emotional response. I realize that people of faith disagree on this issue, and while I am hurt by the decision of the conference, I respect the challenge and struggle that delegates wrestle with when they conference together. It angers me. It saddens me. It disappoints me. But we are still in covenant together. Don’t worry – I’m not about to actually turn in my credentials. I love my job!

“

The UMC is not a church. It is a system. While Reconciling UMs rely on scripture and the theology behind those words, our adversaries rely on laws – and they make up new laws at their whim.

This system does not allow life for LGBT people. The system crushes us.

”

- From the Official Blog of the Reconciling Ministry Network.

I think this is the text of the changes, more or less as it was adopted. There were a few minor amendments that I think I missed…but nevertheless here is the new language, in spirit if not quite completely accurate:

G) Human Sexuality-We affirm that sexuality is God’s good gift to all persons. We call everyone to responsible stewardship of this sacred gift.

Although all persons are sexual beings whether or not they are married, sexual relations are affirmed only within the covenant of monogamous, heterosexual marriage.

We deplore all forms of the commercialization, abuse, and exploitation of sex. We call for strict global enforcement of laws prohibiting the sexual exploitation of children and for adequate protection, guidance, and counseling for abused children. All persons, regardless of age, gender, marital status, or sexual orientation, are entitled to have their human and civil rights ensured and to be protected against violence. The Church should support the family in providing age-appropriate education regarding sexuality to children, youth and adults.

We affirm that all persons are individuals of sacred worth, created in the image of God. All persons need the ministry of the church in our struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship that enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self. The United Methodist Church does not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching. We affirm that God’s grace is available to all. and We willseek to live together in Christian community, welcoming, forgiving, and loving one another, as Christ has loved and accepted us. We implore families and churches not to reject or condemn lesbian and gay members and friends. We commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons.

was hardened.

Eventually, the church will become completely irrelevant.

More later.

By a vote of 298 to 574 we rejected a petition to support committed unions, regardless of the gender of those involved in the union.

There is a display from Eyes Wide Open outside the convention center that makes a powerful statement about the war in Iraq. The boots there represent Texan soldiers lost in the fighting….